Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Acche Din Aanewale *conditions apply

(A fictional Shakespearean speech by Amit Shah, Narendra Modi’s Mark Anthony - conceptualisation and translation by Vivek Pereira)

Fiends, Minorities and other second-class citizens, lend me your ears (or we’ll chop them right off and take them during the next riots, anyways). I come to praise NaMo not to bury him. The evil that men do lives after us. Goodness was never in my bones. So it is with NaMo. The noble Uma Bharati had once called Modi ‘Vinash Purush’ and he responded with “Et tu, Uma” and then took the help of the RSS to vanquish her. For NaMo is an honourable man…if you do not count his role in the 2002 riots and its subsequent cover-up, Snoopgate, various fake encounters, corrupt crony capitalistic dealings with Adani-Ambani, his disdainful treatment of senior leaders like Jaswant Singh, Advani, etc.

The next to wound him grievously was Smriti Irani, the saas-cum-bahu who announced that she would go on a fast unto death - in line with Ekta Kapoor’s ‘Acche Sanskaar’ - if Modi did not step down as CM. Godrej, other business leaders and human right activists then threatened to punish NaMo for the 2002 riots. But ambition is made of sterner stuff. His critics became astonishingly silent with threats, awards and fair compensation. Ratan Tata received an award from the ruling Vajpayee government and got land for his dream project: the highly unimaginative Nano. Business leaders now started flocking around Modi with sheer greed and elastic principles. But NaMo is an honourable man and he rewarded them for their support many times over. Then, he targeted top cops like Sanjiv Bhatt who saved many lives during the riots but claimed that Modi was far from innocent during the mayhem.  

And thought the ghosts of Gujarat continued to haunt, Modi became the BJP’s Prime Ministerial candidate and promised the Indian electorate “Acche Din” in his campaign if he was voted in to power at the centre. And now he has won by a huge margin to become the Prime Minister of India. But NaMo is an honourable man and if you are surprised that there are ‘bure din’ instead of ‘acche din’ for you, then you probably did not read the “CONDITIONS APPLY” disclaimer in your haste to remove the UPA Government or rather the “Vatican-backed Delhi Sultanate.” For "acche din" would be delivered to you only if the following CONDITIONS are met: The horrific socio-political instability in the Middle East improves dramatically, oil prices fall mysteriously (instead of moving upwards), Sanghis stop persecuting minorities, neighbouring countries become genuinely friendly towards India and Pigs learn to fly.

Yes, it will be Acche Din for you if you are an Ambani or Adani, a rioter (such as member of the Hindu Rashtra Sena) who targets minorities, a union minister with a track record of rape, an HRD minister who has illegally fudged her educational qualifications, right wing activists like Col Purohit involved in terror plots, corrupt fascist politicians involved in scams in MP and Karnataka, international oil companies and people like Saheb and myself, Amit Shah, who are now in a position to quash the multitudes of potential cases against us and have started conjuring riot-like situations in states like UP and Maharashtra which are going to the polls! Yes, it is truly acche din for ‘honourable’ men like us.




6 comments :

Vivek Pereira said...

Today Amit Shah has been appointed as the new BJP President just proving our point that only those with a criminal past can rise up in the BJP and the bhakts sing praises of those with murderous backgrounds. These guys are a blot on Hinduism and India. Germany was once proud of Hitler and the Nazis and they did make Germany a super power but there was a huge price to pay - and now Germans realise what a huge mistake it was to blindly follow and praise Hitler and the Nazis. They even maligned the Jewish community and massacred millions of minorities - the Jews. Germany even went to war against the world because of image-boosting Nazi propaganda. Are we repeating the same mistakes seven decades later? All Indians must heed this wise saying: "Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it."

Vivek Pereira said...

The title of this article http://www.firstpost.com/budget-2014/budget-expectations/budget-2014-achche-din-aane-wale-hain-but-terms-and-conditions-apply-1611987.html?utm_source=FP_HP_LATESTNEWS posted this morning is strangely identical to this blog post which I put up last night. Although my post does not refer to the budget, it covers the promise of Modi Sarkar and the reasons why they may not please the general public - the central theme of this article. Let the readers beware!

Anonymous said...

Yet another funny but in-your-face post by Viveck. He certainly wants India to be free from communal forces. Not easy when they re at the helm of things. But wishing u al the best. Have fun.

Vivek Pereira said...

I must admit that the budget presented by Jaitley was above my meager expectations but I'm skeptical on how he's going to meet the fiscal deficit target of 4.1% necessary to tackle inflation. There seems to be inadequate revenue sourcing spelt out and it sure looks like if at all he achieves the target it will be by way of stringent subsidy cuts after the Maharastra elections in October. Otherwise, Arun Jaitley missed a historic opportunity of mending the economy by means of the "bitter pills" promised. The BJP obviously feels that winning the Maharashtra elections is more important than fixing the economy. The token allocation for protecting the girl child is a welcome move and must be backed with more funds.

parkerd said...

Another wonderful article from that blighter Vivek. Brilliant, to say the least.

Anonymous said...

What are the views of you ppl on the budget allocation of Rs 200 Cr on Sardar patel's statue? Do you support it or not?