Romeo and Juliet: An Updated Version for Bandra Buggers

- Written by Yours Truly many years ago

Juliet: (to herself) Which one of my boyfriends could it be knocking at my bedroom window at this unearthly hour? Oh, it’s Romeo!!!

Juliet: (To Romeo) Romeo, you bledy bugger – What are you up to, men? Get down from the tree before you fall and break your b…...”

Romeo: I climbest this tree to express my love for thou – a love that can survive tempests and tsunamis.

Juliet: Romeo, dearest, dost thou havest – a car, a flat, or an ipad?

Romeo: I haveth none of the above.

Juliet: Then how dost thou dare to love? Thou livest in a fool’s paradise. I cannot love thee.

Romeo: I just inherited a cool million from an uncle who passed away. He was quite a rich dude. The cash is in the bank.

Juliet: I truly love thee now, my Romeo.

Romeo: Why dost thou not respond to my SMSes, my darling? Thou knowest how much I love thee especially after thou went under the plastic surgeon’s scalpel.

Juliet: A Daniel, still say I, a second Daniel!

Romeo: I think that’s from the “Merchant of Venice”.

Juliet: Oops! I’m acting in it as well.

Romeo: Anyways, Juliet, I simply adoreth your beautiful blue eye lenses and your brown hair so immaculately dyed.

Juliet: So what shall we do now, my hero? My parents cannot stand the sight of you…I mean thou or whatever.

Romeo: Let’s run away and have a long-term live-in relationship.

Juliet: What about killing ourselves with poison?

Romeo: Okey dokey, my love. Your wish is my command.

Juliet: I was just kidding – I’m not a loser like you. Get lost, creep.

Romeo: OK. I’ll try to patao Bianca from tomorrow onwards. Any idea if she’s still single and ready to mingle?

Exposing the Medieval Mindset

Today I visited the local fish market and was surprised to hear fisherwoman bargaining in English using words like “fresh”, “expensive” and “twelve hundred.” Yet, nearly a month ago, I saw several participants getting punished for using English phrases during day-to-day conversations in India’s premier reality show, Big Boss. Why is this anti-English idea being mooted on popular television shows when most of the world has adopted the language as their own and the world has gone truly global? Are TV show producers steadily succumbing to the paranoia of the medieval mindsets.

 

And, by the way, what is a medieval mindset? In the period following the collapse of the Roman Empire from the 5^th century right up to the sixteenth century religion ruled the roost. All the major religions of the world came into prominence during this period but culture declined. The followers of these modern religions were just as brutal and barbaric as their pagan counterparts. The Christian armies burnt and even ate the corpses of their foes during the crusades at the start of the previous millennium.  

The Renaissance in the 15^th and 16^th century came as a breath of fresh air to the sea of unenlightened humanity who just could not look out of the box they had so ‘religiously’ prepared and entrapped themselves in. But the medieval mindset continued on and has survived even up to this day of tablets, Smartphones, iPods and YouTube videos. 

Unfortunately, fascists as in Egypt and possibly in India as well, the chief proponents of this medieval mindset, are being elected to power all over the world. We can ignore this threat to our own peril. People accept them as a means of change from all that is not right with their present systems, but they could be in for a rude shock when the change does happen!