Romeo and Juliet: An Updated Version for Bandra Buggers

- Written by Yours Truly many years ago

Juliet: (to herself) Which one of my boyfriends could it be knocking at my bedroom window at this unearthly hour? Oh, it’s Romeo!!!

Juliet: (To Romeo) Romeo, you bledy bugger – What are you up to, men? Get down from the tree before you fall and break your b…...”

Romeo: I climbest this tree to express my love for thou – a love that can survive tempests and tsunamis.

Juliet: Romeo, dearest, dost thou havest – a car, a flat, or an ipad?

Romeo: I haveth none of the above.

Juliet: Then how dost thou dare to love? Thou livest in a fool’s paradise. I cannot love thee.

Romeo: I just inherited a cool million from an uncle who passed away. He was quite a rich dude. The cash is in the bank.

Juliet: I truly love thee now, my Romeo.

Romeo: Why dost thou not respond to my SMSes, my darling? Thou knowest how much I love thee especially after thou went under the plastic surgeon’s scalpel.

Juliet: A Daniel, still say I, a second Daniel!

Romeo: I think that’s from the “Merchant of Venice”.

Juliet: Oops! I’m acting in it as well.

Romeo: Anyways, Juliet, I simply adoreth your beautiful blue eye lenses and your brown hair so immaculately dyed.

Juliet: So what shall we do now, my hero? My parents cannot stand the sight of you…I mean thou or whatever.

Romeo: Let’s run away and have a long-term live-in relationship.

Juliet: What about killing ourselves with poison?

Romeo: Okey dokey, my love. Your wish is my command.

Juliet: I was just kidding – I’m not a loser like you. Get lost, creep.

Romeo: OK. I’ll try to patao Bianca from tomorrow onwards. Any idea if she’s still single and ready to mingle?